The Caricature

There's the blog dude, circa Christmas, 1992.

The "wind tunnel-tested hairdo" has been replaced by a side part. There's a turtleneck and a sweater. Oh, yeah, it's straight out of the early 90s.

Around that same time, I attended the Chr...er...ooops...holiday party for my department of Kraft General Foods. Nice event, it was. It was at the Stouffer's Westchester Hotel (site of the 1980 fire that killed 26). It's now the Renaissance Westchester Hotel.

I attended a prom there in 1988. Good times.

Anyway, it had all of the proper opulence of the parties of the era. The food was good, the speeches were humorous, the beverages were wet and it was all free.

And -- bonus -- there was an artist who would do a caricature for you! At first, you had to win the right for it but, for some reason, eventually, everyone got to do it.

I sidled up to the seat.

"Can you draw me as a sports broadcaster?"

In hindsight, given I was working in accounting and finance, this was probably not the best move among colleagues but it was also no secret that I was working on a degree in communications and had already worked in radio part-time.

So, the caricature artist obliged. The result?

At the time, I loved it! I even went back and had him sign it for me (the only who did, I might add).

But, it's taken me over 27 years to figure it out.

Hold on, now.

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF MY HEAD! Is that supposed to be a commentary on my ego?

But, but, but, but...that microphone? Did he go back to 1940 to get that? Sports broadcasters wear headsets and, if I was using a microphone, it wouldn't look like that!

And, further, where are my headphones?

Wait. A white suit with light blue stripes? Who does he think I am, Walt "Clyde" Frazier? I can't pull that look off and I know that's not what I was wearing on that day.

Why did he assume I'm calling a Jets game? Oh, well, maybe he assumed it was Jets-Steelers. Nah, he thinks I'm the Jets broadcaster. Why the hell would I be the Jets broadcaster? I'm not a Jets fan and, let's face it, the Jets were awful then. Furthermore, the legendary Marty Glickman was the Jets radio voice in '92. Is he trying to say that I'm looking to push Marty out?

And the assumption that the Jets have fumbled! Oh, wait, like I said they were awful that year. They were 4-12 so that's not crazy, but STILL!

Look at that chair! I can tell you that thing isn't ergonomically correct! That's a work hazard waiting to happen!

WFAN!? He put me on WFAN?!?! They (were) the Mets station back then. Besides, that would mean I'd be working at the same station as Don Imus, and after all these years, shouldn't I feel that's an outrage?

What's the deal with that football player in the picture? Simply how he's drawn isn't appropriate and where's his other leg?

It's taken me nearly 30 years to see the errors feel disgusted with a cartoon of myself. It's as if my red tie in the caricature says "Big-headed White Broadcaster" on it.

I'll be taking it down, stomping on it, and burning it as soon as I'm done with this post.

Or, I'll laugh at it.

Because it's a caricature.

Again: where does it stop?