The Food Bracket!

Folks, it has come to this.

It's not unusual to have all kinds of wacky brackets at this time of year, in the style of March Madness.

But, this year, we have no March Madness basketball brackets.

This one caught my eye. I found it on Twitter, and am not sure who to give credit to (though I suspect Barstool Sports might have something to do with it). Either way, it's pretty fantastic. It appears to be somewhat old, but it's trending today and I felt we could attack it.

Now, I realize there are those fast food and fast casual chains whom aren't in the tournament. For instance, don't look for Waffle House but, then again, it wouldn't be fair to anyone else as WH would win running away.

So let's break this whole thing down!

Mack and Dick McDonald Region

FIRST ROUND
1) McDonalds over 16) Jollibee -- I don't really know much about Jollibee, but still.
8) Wawa over 9) Sheetz -- I mean, really? How in the hell do you put Wawa and Sheetz in the SAME region and the SAME game? But, OK, as much as I enjoy Sheetz, Wawa is still a king in the Adams household. Still, I'd rather see this in the Final Four or Regional Final.
4) Whataburger over 13) Quiznos -- "We love the subs!" Remember that spongemonkey thing? That might have helped Quiznos in the long run, but they've mostly left my region. So Whataburger wins.
5) Panda Express over 12) Potbelly -- sort of like trotting out two schools you don't care about or know.
12) Dairy Queen over 6) Carl's Jr/Hardee's -- Carl's had those dumb commercials. We had Hardee's here and it failed. Twice. My son liked Dairy Queen. Thus, the upset.
3) Arby's over 14) Taco Cabana -- WE HAVE THE MEATS!
10) Jersey Mike's over 7) Panera Bread -- I mean, sure, kale or whatever is fine, but sometimes I just need a good sandwich (hot or cold). One of the few ways Jersey wins with me.
2) Chipotle over 15) A&W -- Closer matchup but Chipotle gets the edge just for the friend of mine who often said "Chuh-poe-tay" and I can't pronounce it any other way not. But a chili dog and root beer from A&W? Not bad at all.

SECOND ROUND
8) Wawa over 1) McDonald's -- Get lost, Ronald. Give me a hoagie and coffee or a Coke icee.
4) Whataburger over 5) Panda Express -- An easy win.
3) Arby's over 11) Dairy Queen -- THEY STILL HAVE THE MEATS!
2) Chipotle over 10) Jersey Mike's -- Tough. Really tough. But a burrito and chips won out in the final seconds.

REGIONAL SEMIS
8) Wawa over 4) Whataburger -- You knew it, didn't you?
2) Chipotle over 3) Arby's -- The meats are THAT good.

REGIONAL FINAL
8) Wawa over 2) Chipotle -- Susan is a deli gal. She apparently makes a mean sandwich and, no, that's not meant in an offensive manner. She, however, would choose other items at Wawa and would, likely, take Chipotle over the mighty Wa. I, however, am riding the goose to the Final Four.

No Sundays Region

FIRST ROUND
1) Chick-Fil-A over 16) Penn Station -- Politics aside, it's mighty fine chicken.
8) Moe's over 9) Jimmy John's -- The queso alone wins.
13) Boston Market over 4) Culver's -- This might be controversial. The midwestern folks aren't going to like it. Yet I actually feel healthier when I eat Boston Market, plus it's one of the few times I'll take Boston for anything.
5) Domino's over 12) Torchy's Taco's -- Er. OK. I have no good reason.
6) White Castle over 11) Little Caesar's -- Are you kidding me? My NOO YAWK friends would bury me with Jimmy Hoffa out in the Meadowlands.
3) Subway over 14) Church's -- Just no. Really, no.
7) Papa John's over 10) Cookout -- Hmmm. I see Cookout has locations in Fayetteville, NC and Richmond, VA. I know I've passed them on road trips. But I've had Papa John's. Again, pass on the politics. When I needed pizza in North Carolina, this was...passable.
2) Burger King over 15) Sbarro. Sbarro tries to pass itself off as New York pizza. "The Office" made fun of it. That's enough for me.

SECOND ROUND
8) Moe's over Chick-Fil-A -- It was a battle but Moe's dumped some queso on the chicken. Game over.
13) Boston Market over 5) Domino's -- This is where the bracket if painful. So, the glass slipper fits.
6) White Castle over 3) Subway -- I'd take Jersey Mike's over Subway. My son might disown me for dumping Subway to White Castle.
2) Burger King over 7) Papa John's -- I agonized over this one. I still don't like it. But I can't take a (faux) pizza place any farther than the second round.

REGIONAL SEMIS
8) Moe's over 13) Boston Market -- Damn, this bracket is wacky and I can see how it's going to play out. Healthy can only go so far. Give me queso!
6) White Castle over 2) Burger King -- I had to get rid of Burger King eventually.

REGIONAL FINAL
8) Moe's over 6) White Castle -- I've loved you all. It's sad to think I'm going to buried in New Jersey but so it goes.

Bag Fries Region

FIRST ROUND
1) Five Guys over 16) Roy Rogers -- How did Five Guys get a one seed? I suspect it was booster shenanigans.
9) Zaxby's over 8) Portillo's -- I've never had either but Portillo's appears to be a Chicago thing and that's cool. I've seen Zaxby's in North Carolina. I go there more often (haven't been to Chi-town since 2006, I think). So, Zaxby's.
13) Firehouse Subs over 4) Pizza Hut -- There was a time when I would have easily taken Pizza Hut. That was probably in the 80s or early 90s, when there was a still a Pizza Hut in Pleasantville, NY and another in Glenville (Greenwich). That was then.
5) Bojangles' over 12) Noodles and Company -- Tim Parry and I went to a Bojangles' in Reading, PA maybe seven years ago. We could still taste it (and it sat in my gut) all the way back to NY. But Noodles and Company just isn't my style.
6) Jack in the Box over 11) PDQ looks pretty tempting but ol' Jack is an old friend from the days when they were in Yorktown Heights, NY. I just grabbed breakfast from them in San Francisco back in September.
3) Popeye's over 14) Schlotzsky's -- So, I had the famed Popeye's chicken sandwich recently. I don't get the fascination. But, I'd like to have their Cajun rice on a more-consistent basis. So, them.
7) Long John Silver's over 10) Wingstop -- Meh. No real reason.
2) In-N-Out over 15) Baja Fresh -- I had In-N-Out after grabbing a beer at the 2am Club in Mill Valley, CA (aka "The Huey Lewis Bar). I drove there in a convertible while cranking HLN. So, yeah.

SECOND ROUND
1) Five Guys over 9) Zaxby's -- Fairly unimpressive.
5) Bojangles' over 13) Firehouse Subs -- Also unimpressive. I hope these matchups are at least exciting.
3) Popeye's over 6) Jack in the Box -- Annie (Honey) over scary, explosive Jack.
2) In-N-Out over 7) Long John Silver's -- In-N-Out wen all "animal style" and prevailed.

REGIONAL SEMI
1) Five Guys over 5) Bojangles' -- Because, er, OK.
3) Popeye's over 2) In-N-Out -- Tough call. Really tough call. I would have preferred this as the regional final.

REGIONAL FINAL
3) Popeye's over 1) Five Guys -- Honey, you've got to have that Cajun rice!

Dave Thomas Region

FIRST ROUND
1) Wendy's over 16) Wienerschnitzel -- Wendy's is legit. I love McDonald's fries but Wendy's chicken is outstanding.
8) Sonic over 9) Checker's/Rally's -- Tough, tough call. But Sean and I have good memories over our now-gone Sonic. I actually like Checker's a lot but not many around here (I think there's still one in the Bronx).
4) Shake Shack over 13) Swensons -- Shake Shack is good though it's not what us New Yorkers make it out to be. There was a line every time I passed the one in Madison Park. Swensons looks good.
5) Steak and Shake over Wings Over -- Eric Wuchiski was outraged on Twitter that S&S got a five seed but my goodness I'm a fan. Just not of the one near Petersburg, VA (which has since closed). Yet, I've started making my own chili on pasta combo ever since I tried it in Raleigh.
11) Del Taco over 6) Raising Cane's -- Del Taco has been mentioned on "The Big Bang Theory!" That's enough for me.
3) KFC over 14) Blimpie -- Blimpie has just faded. I wanted to take them. I can't do it.
10) Qdoba over 7) Skyline Chili -- While I'm intrigued to really try Skyline, I'm told it has chocolate in it. That would be a no. Plus I actually like Qdoba. Qdoba. All day.
2) Taco Bell over 15) El Pollo Loco -- OK.

SECOND ROUND
1) Wendy's over 8) Sonic -- The eat in the car thing can get tiring. I like Wendy's.
5) Steak and Shake over 4) Shake Shack -- I will not apologize for this. If a Steak and Shake ever moved into the Shake Shack location off Exit 11 in Darien, CT, I would go there.
3) KFC over 11) Del Taco -- I have literally no logic for this one. Unimpressive.
10) Qdoba over 2) Taco Bell -- Cinderella has returned! A late drive to the bucket before a slam dunk. Chips and salsa for everyone!

REGIONAL SEMIS
5) Steak and Shake over 1) Wendy's -- In a stunning victory, Steak and Shake kept the game close before dribbling a shake in for the win.
10) Qdoba over 3) KFC -- I'll be honest, I prefer Popeye's over KFC and never got the appeal. KFC made it this far because they've created some things that only I can ever like (such as a chicken sandwich with a donut).

REGIONAL FINAL
5) Steak and Shake over 10) Qdoba -- It was like VCU and Butler! Eric Wuchiski is going to question my sanity!

FINAL FOUR
Wawa
Moe's
Popeye's
Steak and Shake

Wawa over Moe's -- "Wawa has got more choies" - Sean Adams. I quite agree. Incidentally, when I told Sean what I was doing and why, he said: "Wow. You're desperate."
Steak and Shake over Popeye's -- Chili mac over Cajun rice! Honey, please?!

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
Wawa over Steak and Shake -- That's right, y'all. An eight seed wins it! It's Villanova in '85 all over again! They have the coffee, the icee's, the large coolers of beverages. They have the deli and the baked goodies. They also (mostly) have gas. It's one-stop shopping on a road trip! It's an oasis!

They are the champions, my friends!

Give me a Philly Cheesesteak, but no...ONIONS!

Cue "One Shining Moment."