The Picture Doesn't Tell All

 

Sean is at his mother's place doing some cleaning.

There's so much to say about that sentence but I'll resist. "Baby steps," as Sean said to me.

He texted me the picture above, taken in Mar 2002. But, being my son, he couldn't resist a jab.

"You look so thrilled to be a new dad!"

I had no response, except to laugh.

Of course, deep in his brain, he knows the truth. And so do I.

I loved being a new father.

As in, I've rarely loved anything more.

I was overjoyed and treasured every minute of helping to raise him.

And I loved it when he fell asleep on me, as in this picture.

There's no doubt in my mind I'm watching TV or that I'm deep in thought about something. I also look tired but, before anyone says "2 a.m. feedings" and so on, it wasn't that bad with Sean.

I just tended to work ... and work ... and work ... and often worked strange hours. Who knows what game I might have just got home from?

Or if I was filling in on the morning news? I did that quite a bit back then, often leaving Mahopac around 3:30 in the morning.

Baby Sean was a sound sleeper. So is grown-up Sean. Sure, there were the 2 a.m. feedings but they weren't that bad and I'd often get sent back to bed because of my crazy schedule. It wasn't long before he'd sleep through the night. 

Honestly, I wish he could pass some of that back to me as I'm really struggling lately. The lunatics in my brain are winning the race currently.

Sean wasn't even one to cause many sleepless nights. I recall one night that he struggled to sleep and we settled down on the couch for a bit. Eventually, he dozed off on me and I put him back in his crib. It was pretty quick.

Another time, when he was a toddler, he came in and told me he couldn't sleep. I repeat: he came to me. He came straight to my side of the bed.

Even now, he'll tell you it's because he "knew that Daddy would wake up." So that's what I did. I shot up, in fact. I walked him back into his room and settled him down. I probably offered to stay in there with him though I don't remember the details. Either way, he quickly went back to sleep.

But this picture, despite my expression, is back at the very beginning of the father-son partnership that has existed between us. That bond has always been there and continues to be.

There's no great message in this post otherwise. The picture, and Sean's snarky comment, make me smile.

I love being a dad and love that kid.

That's reason enough to post it.