Thursday, December 24, 2009

My Christmas Wish

It's easier said than done. Sure, I'd like material things, like a new iPod, a camera, and such, but that's just not happening this year.

No, my Christmas wish - the thing I want more than anything - is what anybody would want. I wish - no, pray - for happiness for my son. He deserves it.

Yet, this is where he gets troubling. You see, Sean is generally a happy little boy. He is also carrying a monstrous burden on those small shoulders. He's hurting inside, and do I really need to say why? I recently heard him say "divorce" for the first time, and it stung a little. He'd like to see his parents back together.

Then there's that other thing. He also worries that he's losing me. Why? Sean loves his daddy. I'm not saying that with any sense of arrogance. It's what I know. Sean wants his daddy to be happy, and healthy. I couldn't tell you if I'm healthy thanks to the healthcare in this country. It's quite likely that I soon won't have health insurance.

As for being happy, I sit here on Christmas Eve with pleasant thoughts of the many good things that happened in 2009. Trips to Richmond (TWICE!), Aberdeen/Baltimore, Boston, and Reading helped satiate my traveling needs. Making new friends, seeing old friends, and knowing of their love kept me warm. Even sticking my toe back into the pool of the relationship world, while often frustrating and sad, gave me hope.

There were Paul McCartney and Mount Saint Mary. There were Dave Matthews and the Cardinals. There was the Renegades. There were the Steelers and Yankees - WORLD CHAMPIONS!

I woke up every day, survived, and lived to tell about it the next morning.

There was "Exit 55."

There was promise (and yes, disappointment). That's life.

I kept moving forward.

Now, if a real job could just be found, or a combination of things that would help me pay off the car, and pay the bills, then the picture would look a lot better. I'm not greedy and yes, with that could mean the end of radio for me. I've thought about that. It's the sacrifice that I would need to make.

Sometimes it's not easy to let the bastards get me down. If you only knew. If I could tell the complete story. If only.

Yet I have love, from so many people. If I'm wrong, then I'm naive.

I have Sean. Even if I won't have him tomorrow.

So for Sean to be happy, I have to be happy as well. It's a process, and it often looks/sounds/reads like I'm not, but I'm OK, and I'll get better.

That's my wish. I also wish all of you the best, not just for tomorrow, but for every day.

I thank you for reading (and to those who listen), and for putting up with me. I'm humbled by it more than you can ever know.

Merry Christmas, one and all.

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