Tomorrow is a New Day

I often post a picture on social media with the intention of it being a single entity.

Yet, many times, I post it, walk away from it and then...I realize...that's got "blog post" written all over it.

Sean heading to college -- virtually -- is a post.

Yes, virtually. Most of his classes will be online, though he has to go to campus one day per week. Those transportation arrangements are apparently still being finalized.

I was nervous back when I started college. It's human nature. I'm fairly certain Sean is nervous tonight, but a congressional hearing wouldn't get that information out of him.

I tend to surround myself with people who won't talk, while I blather and blubber about things.

Sean seemed  -- that's the word I'll use -- to make the decision to go to Dutchess Community College on his own.

I will tell you now that I wasn't happy about it. And, yes, it was selfish.

He told me in the car one day when I said we could take a ride to West Conn or Manhattanville (where Dave Torromeo said he'd talk to Sean about being comfortable with his choice).

Not necessary, I was told. His mind was made up.

His father (that's me) wasn't needed in the college decision-making process.

I also felt like he was making the same mistakes I made.

Just like with me, I felt like he had no guidance.

I sold myself short. I assumed I was a nobody who didn't need (or want) to go away. Eventually I wondered if maybe I should but by then the die was cast and I stayed.

No regrets, but I guess I sometimes wonder about it, like when I'm writing a post on a dumb blog about my son's college decision. A lot of things would have been different.

Eventually, I realized that Sean's decision was completely correct.

Sean, as I often tell people, is Sean. Sean makes decisions on "Sean's time."

This is his call (I hope) and I believe it is the correct one.

As parents, we want what's best for our children and we don't want to fail them. We also want them to be better than us.

While flailing around in the hotel pool on Thursday, we discussed such things, when my son told me in no uncertain terms to calm down. I haven't failed him or any other nonsense. He won't hear any of that.

But I still worry. And I won't stop.

His decision to go to Dutchess is absolutely correct.

It's correct because he wants to go to college and wants to understand what it's all about.

It's even more correct because he doesn't want to invest the money into an expensive school, where Dutchess is an affordable education.

It's correct because he's not ready to live in a dorm. Not yet.

Just like Westchester Community College was for me.

This semester -- and the following three, if necessary -- is his chance to figure out where he wants to go from here.

His friend Chris is also staying local and going to Dutchess. Their friend Will is moved into SUNY College of Environmental Science and Forestry in Syracuse and Sean is already looking forward to visiting him. That could be huge for him.

Then again, everything could shut down and Will would be back home. We just don't know. Thus I'm even further convinced that Sean made the right decision.

He's going to major in communications (he hadn't told me that officially until we were driving to Albany on Friday, so that was also a shock) and I fear that's a mistake as well. A lot of good my comm degree has served me.

It was, in the end, a personal achievement that I pulled myself through to get the thing.

And, sure, I'm terrified that he wants to be a writer -- which, as of now, means being a news editor. He has a mentor in Susan if they ever actually, you know, talk. Which they won't.

You can probably guess that this whole thing is on me. I'm no helicopter parent at all. But, I'm a dad, and I promised for day one of the split years ago that I wouldn't be invisible.

I want Sean to enjoy his college years. For all of the friends I have, I don't have friends from college, nor do I have "college experiences."

I hear about them. All of them.

I never bothered to get a ring or even a sweatshirt.

I want him to have that. Is that so bad?

But, that was the very heart of my issue. This isn't about me, and I'm not so narcissistic to think that it is.

He needs to log in tomorrow and start finding out for himself. He needs to make his mistakes. I need to let him do that and give him the proper guidance that I've always tried to give.

He'll be fine.

I just want him to be the best Sean he can be.