A Good Father

 

In Pittsburgh last November

As today was Father's Day, I pondered fatherhood.

I spent the day at the stadium. Sean worked and I didn't. Thus, I could think.

I always thought I'd be a father. It was something I always hoped I'd be good at.

But what makes a good father?

Being fair and respectful? Absolutely. But there are also lessons to be learned in being tough.

Sean is Sean. That doesn't mean he was any other child. I was blessed to have a son who was pretty easy to raise overall. That doesn't mean he was perfect.

Even now, the lessons don't stop and I think he would agree. Even now, when I think he's getting too grumpy or just needs a little reminder of life, I'm content to do so.

But I know people marvel at our relationship and I'm honored by that. I don't think I deserve credit as he's a pretty wonderful person. 

Honestly, what did I do in the long run?

Obviously, there's not one true answer to what makes a good dad. I definitely took the lessons taught to me by my parents and tried to apply them as appropriate. Where many say they don't want to be like their parents, I was content to be like mine.

I Googled "What makes a good father" and came up with a bunch of ideas. An article on Modern Father intrigued me. In short, these were their headlines (you can read more here).

- A good dad is a role model for his children

- A good dad is a firm but fair disciplinarian

- A good dad is consistent

- A good dad is a true gentleman

- A good dad works on himself

- A good dad loves

These are all fair, especially if you read the rest of the article.

By being a role model, I wanted Sean to see that I worked. And worked. And worked some more. That I had a work ethic. That I was willing to grind, sometimes at all hours and driving wherever necessary. When things got me down or derailed me, I survived and got right back up. But, beyond that, I wanted him to see that I was respectful and honest. And I stood up for what I believed in.

As for discipline, I apparently mastered "The Look." I didn't think I needed it but he has mentioned it to me several times. He knew he had reached his limit when I shot daggers out of my eyes at him. That's been passed down for generations as my father could scare the life out of me with a glance. But it was also fair. I got what I deserved and I think the same could be said for Sean.

Consistency meant that Sean knew I'd be home at night. He knew I'd be at his band concerts and anything else. When we were involved with baseball, there was the expectation of practices and games. We made all of it and never missed a thing. A commitment was a commitment. Being predictable can sometimes be a good thing.

With regard to being a true gentleman, that's something I'm a huge believer in. I hold doors and say thank you. When my mother needed me -- and, by extension, Sean -- we were there. Thus we were her partners in crime. Even in regard to his mother, I think I'm fair and, well, let's leave that right there. 

Sean has watched me "work on myself" forever. I'm not afraid to confide in him for brainstorming if it helps things and I'm willing to deal with my own flaws. I'm always trying to get better and he knows things gnaw at me.

Do I love? I think I do. We're sadly past it but I'm just as willing to hug him as ever. But more than that, he knows I'm still nearby for any nurturing, talking, laughing, and providing. And I give him his space.

Is there more? I'd say so. Fathers often come up short. Sometimes, there's a level of disrespect for us.

We're not moms. I have full respect for mothers. Sometimes we play double duty also.

But this is what I wanted our relationship to be. It was always going to be strong.

In hindsight, being Sean's dad is probably my truest role. I didn't run off to some place to pursue a larger sports broadcasting career because I wanted to be a daily and nightly part of my son's life. 

None of this makes me a perfect father. It just makes me the father that I am.

Does that make me good?

To each their own, I suppose.

Happy Father's Day to the dads who do all of this and more. Being a father has evolved. It's not just the traditional family. There can be dads of all types. There can be two fathers, stepfathers, adopted fathers, and any other definition. They can be pet fathers (as my cat sleeps near me while I type). 

I celebrate all of the dads. Especially the good ones.

To the ones not here, we miss you and love you.

I've loved being Sean's dad. 

That's pretty obvious.