Jonathan Papelbon=Asshat

He's kidding. No, really, he's kidding, right? Wait...you mean he is serious?

Jonathan Papelbon is a great closer. He's got the whole 'tude and everything. Great stuff. But if he thinks he deserves to close out the All Star Game...for the American League...at Yankee Stadium...I've got some news for him.

There's this other closer, and it's kind of his building.

And Papelbon might not even be the best closer on the AL squad.

My favorite line is when he says he deserves to close because:

"By winning the World Series and having our manager here."

Stop! My sides! The comedy!