Off The Bench (the “Win or You’re Fired” Edition)

So as I type, the Yankees offense has awakened. Big Stein is taking credit, I’m sure. Here’s my first question: why would he have spoken to a hack punk writer like Ian O’Connor?

He is not missed around these parts in The Journal News, is all I’m saying.

Oh, while I’m going rip city, let me take aim at the TBS production. We’ll start with their so-called “A” team of Chip Caray, Tony Gwynn, Bob Breny, and Craig Sager.

Hmmm…how can I put this? I don’t want to sound too critical, do I?

OK, I’ll use one word…yikes.

No, that will not do. OK, I’ll say something nice. I like Bob Brenly. He’s a decent broadcaster, and I don’t resent him for the 2001 World Series. There. I said something nice. I’ll say something else. I like Tony Gwynn. He was a machine as a hitter, and he might one day be a nice third voice in a booth.

I just have too much negative stuff to spew otherwise. Chip Caray proves to me, without a doubt, that it’s who you know (or are related to) and not what you know. When he screamed “Cleveland rocks!” in game one of the Yanks/Indians series, I had to control my urge to drive to Cleveland to rock him. But it’s more than that. He has been inaccurate, ineffective, and basically without a clue. I was talking with a couple of guys who told me that can’t stand Joe Buck, and were calling him out for apparent nepotism. I disagree. Joe Buck is a good (if omnipresent) broadcaster. That’s the fact – most of America is sick of him (just as many were sick of Curt Gowdy, who also was everywhere for a time). I’ll still take Buck (and his often despised partner, Tim McCarver) any day over this cluster blank of a broadcast.

Did I just hear Chip refer to Bayone, New Jersey as “BY-yone?” Is it possible that even Chris Berman might be less painful than this?

Oh, and Craig Sager is just bad. Bob Sheppard, the longtime “voice of God” in Yankee Stadium, missed tonight’s game due to illness. Sager described him as a “broadcaster.” My eyes rolled back to Danbury.

One last thing. I noticed a resemblance between Chip Caray and Matt Levine of WSTC/WNLK and his website. Yet here’s the thing: one of them is a fine broadcaster. The other is Chip Caray.

I just don’t have the energy to break down the rest of the TBS broadcast teams. Then again, I don’t need to. Thanks to the Angels, Phillies, and Cubs for such compelling baseball.

Yikes.

Since I’ve been accused of Yankees pom-poms, let me just say this: there is no way in the world that game two should have been stopped due to the bugs bugging Joba Chamberlain. I liked the umpire’s comparison to a light rain. That’s fair. It also didn’t seem to affect the Indians pitching.

So there.

Joba looked human tonight.

Phil Hughes looked like Roger Clemens, circa 1985 or so. You know, right before he became a star.

Roger Clemens? Well he tried tonight.

OK, TBS. I get it. Frank Caliendo is funny. He can do impressions. So could Rich Little. So can Rob Bartlett. Hell, so can I. But stop with the promos. No mas. Please?

And Dane Cook. Am I supposed to think he’s funny? Am I supposed to like this guy because he’s doing these October baseball promos? Well I’m going to pass, OK?

I’ve nearly lost thirty pounds. I’ve nearly reached a goal that I’ve had for over a decade. Yet I went back into radio, and they’re trying hard to put the weight right back on me with bagels and donuts lying around. Must…resist…temptation.

Steelers 21, Seahawks 0. In Seattle, while drinking their lattes, they think the officials blew this game also.

Over on NBC tonight, the Bears and Packers are mixing it up. Many have accused John Madden and Al Michaels of a man-crush on Brett Favre. That’s fine, if you ask me. It could never be worse than the crush that Michaels had on Joe Montana. I usually needed a shower by the end of the game because I just felt so dirty listening to Al drool.

Yankees win…THUHHHHHHH….never mind.

It took until I started reading the blogs that I found out that Tino Martinez threw out the first pitch tonight at the Stadium. More greatness from the TBS production for pointing that out. I blame that on FOX, as they’re the ones who stopped showing us the pomp and circumstance of baseball years ago.

Since I’m back on the pathetic-ness of TBS, let me discuss their conversation regarding the Yankees game four starter. The booth men seemed utterly clueless as to whom the Bombers would bring out tomorrow, but everyone outside of their booth knew it would be Chien-Ming Wang. Yet Brenly and Gwynn were sure it would be Mike Mussina. Joe Tore said that it would be Wang.

Yikes.