A Few Thoughts

 

A screenshot of "Rascal's Ramblings" during today's
Renegades game on the YES Network. He was talking 
about hot dogs. Honestly.

I had this post organized differently initially but I've decided I'll unburden some stuff at the end of the post. Let's start with the good.

Today's Hudson Valley Renegades game was on the YES Network. I was happy and proud for my friends and colleagues for the opportunity.

Sean was in his usual spot on the high home camera and I was so proud to see his work on the big screen.

Sean's camera angle. That's what opened the broadcast

There were my friends -- Zolz and Davey and Joe and Jordy and Clicks and Beats and Fish and Feldman and Jason and everyone else. I'm not sure who else was working today.

Heck, even Zach Neubauer -- now working for the Red Sox affiliate in South Carolina -- was heard because he was the voice of "Rascal's Ramblings." I texted him and we laughed about it.

I don't know what the reviews online are. I know what my own thoughts are yet I really tried to not watch with a critical eye. But there's a reason I generally don't watch or listen to such things.

Still, it looked like a Renegades broadcast on TV. On the YES Network. As in, you know, a dream come true. Which means it was business as usual and there's nothing wrong with that.

And I watched it all right here.

My day, other than that, was looking at things in the attic and taking more pictures off the walls.

And continuing to look for a place to live.

And a way to pay for it.

*****

Today is Memorial Day.

Honestly, I have no deeper thoughts. I have family and friends who served in multiple conflicts.

But I did pause and remember those lost in serving our country. I see it for the somber and honorable day that it should be.

"Thank you for your service" is frankly the minimum one can offer but it's all I've got.

I'm just grateful that we have the freedom to have cookouts and go to ball games. That the day serves as the unofficial kickoff to summer.

Or watch baseball. Like the Renegades because the Yankees didn't play today.

Which is horrible and further proof of how damaged our sport is.

But we have the freedom to be upset about it.

And for that, all we can say is thank you.

Thank you, indeed.

*****

Legendary UCLA coach John Wooden hugs Bill Walton.
I'd take that duo against almost anyone in a 
single college basketball game.

Bill Wilton -- forever "Big Red" and the greatest college basketball player -- died today.

It felt like he was timeless. His energy and humor would last forever.

We're lucky to have the broadcasts archived but his voice has been silenced.

Happily, the cesspool that is social media has been overwhelmingly positive in talking about his legacy today.

Good. 

He was nearly unstoppable as a player at UCLA. Then he won a ring in Portland.

Then injuries that sapped him of the greatness he could have reached.

Yet, he never complained. He was a backup with a great Celtics team and won another ring.

But the pain he felt was incredible.

Then he became a broadcaster and found a whole new audience.

He laughed. He didn't take things seriously. But he was great.

He was a positive force.

And our world is sadder without him.

*****

OK, now to the stuff that grinds my gears.

In the aftermath of last night's Grayson Murray post, there were a couple of reactions -- directly and indirectly -- that struck me. 

All good. I'm a big boy and I laughed at one and seethed at the other.

Oh, both were inappropriate -- full stop.

But you know the deal with opinions.

To that end, victim-shaming someone who makes a decision like Grayson Murray made is pretty disgusting.

Selfish? Weak? Sad?

Yeah, it sure is sad, but in the mind of that person, ending their life is the answer and, in some cases, the only answer.

But you're so sad and judgmental that you'll sit on the sideline and say that? 

Telling you to "kick rocks" is the kindest way I can phrase it (thank you, Chris Kaelin).

I challenge you  -- challenge -- to be in that state of despair some time.

Let's say, around 1 a.m. You can't sleep. You're wide awake. You're staring into space. You're scared.

Work has dried up. Things that have been promised aren't coming to fruition.

You don't know if you're going to be able to pay your rent or, worse, have a place to live.

You feel lost. Your relationship is concerning. Life is nipping at you at every turn.

The walls are closing in.

There's an intense hopelessness.

You feel ridiculed. Scorned.

You don't feel good physically. 

You don't feel good emotionally.

You don't feel good spiritually.

You don't feel respected or wanted.

And so on.

And in that moment, you have nobody to talk to.

Try it sometime. There is no magic potion. No snapping of the fingers. You can't afford therapy.

Selfish? Weak? Sad?

That sounds like you, actually.

And while we're at it, last night's post was not some analytical mumbo jumbo. It was a reminder of support for those feeling lost.

Nor was it "too soon." 

It was reacting to a story that impacted sports and hit close to home for me.

It was also explaining how it struck me as I sat at the Greenwich Town Party.

Further, time is of the essence in such moments and it was written to remind this audience that I'm here. I'm reachable -- text and email tend to be the best ways to get me.

There is help. 

So that's why I wrote it last night.

I felt compelled.

The thing is that not every thought has to be relayed. Yes, that includes me, and I've noted many times how often I hold back.

Even now, I'm not naming names or going "all in."

My point has been made.

But I'm not the monster that the Gatekeeper on Twitter thinks that I am. I saw he tried to strike at me again with more of his passive-aggressive toxic positivity today. The thing about it is that it can also be quite negative and damaging and, frankly, have a dangerous outcome.

Thus, I remind you to not be a phony.

There are people in dark places. It's real. It's no act. It's not selfish.

Support them.

That's what I was writing about.