Saturday, November 22, 2008

This is a Life

So here we are. My 40th birthday. As with everything, I thought about writing profound things that are normally born out of having time to think and no computer nearby.

They might have been perfectly fine posts, but I'll spare you.

Instead, I'll just take it for what it is - what it has always been.

Just another day.

I had hoped, quite honestly, that all would have been tidied up and over by now. But that's not the reality, so I just keep plugging along.

I could harp on how much has changed in the past year - negatively and positively. For instance, I think this is the first time that no birthday cards showed up in my mailbox. That's fine; I'm not that vain. It's more of a sign of how things have changed, and how people that I have loved have probably been turned against me.

That's the part that hurts.

Oh don't pity me. There are more than enough glad tidings over on Facebook and MySpace, and the actions of my friends Joy, Lindsey, and Tom at work were more than enough to touch my heart. And there will be some kind of family gathering tonight. I'm one who feels that's more for my Mom and Sean than it is for me, but we could debate that.

I had a big 30th birthday party, largely compliments of Sandi, and it was great, yet I always felt those parties were so self-serving. That seemed to manifest more than ever during 2007 when not one but two big birthday parties were authored in my family. Coming out of those parties, I realized that I had it wrong - they were about people getting together than it was about the honoree. With that knowledge, I began to rethink my whole birthday philosophy.

Although, at one of the parties, a group photo was taken, and I was not in the picture. I took the picture.

That was a sign.

I kept having these kind of, let's say, bad birthdays so I had soured on it all. Then, even after my epiphany I suffered through probably the worst one - my 39th. I'll spare you the reasons why, but will say that probably the best part of the day was the Greenwich-Staples broadcast.

I'm sure it was fear - of missed expectations and disappointment. So I laid low.

This could have been a perfectly fine time to lay it all out on the line; explain it all here in the blog finally. Oh the posts I dream up when I'm thinking! But why do it? Why? What is there to gain? Revenge? An ounce of blood? Satisfaction?

I can't get no.

Instead we carry on. We invoke Rule 55 when needed, and we remind ourselves that there are people's feelings at stake here. Besides, I know how smart this audience is. You've all read between the lines so many times, that you don't need me to hit with brute force.

Stay classy, and don't change. That's what I've been told.

As I wrap this up, let me say that I think I'm far better than I was one year ago. I've put weight back on (OK, that's not so good), and I have no idea how my health is, but my attitude and outlook are much better. I know who my loved ones are and Karma can deal with the rest.

Most of all, I've got Sean, who knocked me out with an adorable performance at the Talent Showcase in Carmel last night, as part of a dance troupe. His laughter is my favorite present; his life a pure gift.

When you get right down to it, what else is needed?

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