Happy birthday

 

Front and center among some of her grandkids and great-grandkids last July

It's my mom's first birthday since she passed.

She liked the fuss more than she let on.

I can remember her 70th. She wanted no part of a party. She swore that to me. So I was the fool who told others to not fuss because she didn't want it.

She had a surprise party and was the belle of the ball, of course. Lesson learned.

We were in North Carolina for her 80th. Again, she wanted minimal fuss.

Then she grumbled about minimal fuss, in part because we did something for her a few nights after her actual birthday because one of her granddaughters lived 1.5 hours away in NC. We wanted to do it right for her.

But we miss her today. Obviously, I think of her often and, basically, every day.

We're still dealing with our grief in our own way.

I haven't processed it. As it has been for months, I keep thinking she's at the nursing home or dialysis, except I don't have to do her laundry.

I still figure she needs something from the grocery store or her egg and cheese from the deli on route 6 between Carmel and Mahopac.

We knew it was coming. I watched her fade. The pictures on the day Sean graduated told me a lot.

There's still this feeling of shock.

Yet today is to celebrate all that she brought us in 83 years and beyond, as she hits 84 today.

As I wrote yesterday, I'll go call baseball. She'd like that. She'd also like that I would miss one of the three games I could call today to honor her birthday.

So I will.

It's certainly not the same without her. 

That's the understatement of 84 years.