Missing (Missing Out)

"You can't make everything," I was recently told.

No, I'm aware of that.  Parents can't make everything for their child, especially not in our hyper-overdrive era of kids with full dance cards and parents who are overworked.  Yet when you "lose" your child (and yes, "lose" is in quotes because I haven't lost Sean, but sometimes feel like I have), you try.

Hard.

The thing is, I have just about made it all.  Field Day at Kent Primary School, with all of the moms and just...one...dad.  Yes.  Me.  Every parent-teacher conference that was feasible.  Once I had to rearrange a conference for phone/email and another one had to be rescheduled.

Concerts, more field days, whatever.  Baseball games (that era has since ended), and more.  If he wanted me there, I would go.  I said I'd even go to his kids party (a Nerf gun party, I was told), but I never expected that invitation to come.

And it didn't.

Time is precious to begin with.  It feels even more precious when you're a single parent and that time together is limited to a few hours for dinner on Wednesdays and every other weekend.  So forgive me if I get a touch grumpy when someone or something gets in the way.

This Thursday, I will miss Sean's open house night at school because...wait for it...I have to cover a meeting.

Oh rapture!

But it's part of the job.  I get it.  I have to cover another event on a Wednesday (our fairly sacred dinner night).  His mother and I will adjust on that one, and I appreciate the flexibility, yet I still feel like there are things I'm missing out on.

So I'm going to do my job on Thursday because, well, that's what I should do.  It's.  My.  Job.

It's the right thing to do, and it's open house.  Not the end of the world.

Like I said, time is precious.  So precious.  When I've had a game conflict with a day that he's with me, I try to take him with me, and we make it work.  Same goes for teaching.  And other things.  He's tagged along a lot and has been a good sport.

But the clock is ticking.  Soon he'll grow to an age where daddy isn't cool.  Or he'll have something else going on.  Or he just won't want to hang with "dear old Dad."  You know - "Cats in the Cradle."


And fathers everywhere cry.

Someone also recently told me that they've never seen someone try so hard and care so much for their son - or words to that effect.  I hope that's true.  I have tried

There was once a time when I went to the doctors appointment.  The dentist.  The parties.  Everything.

Now I'm missing out.  And it hurts.

So please understand why I fight tooth and nail for that time with him.

I'll say it again.  It's precious.

It's gone before we know it.

*I had originally named this post "Missing" but got an email concerned that Sean was missing.  I've altered it - don't want anyone to worry.  To be sure, Sean is absolutely NOT missing.