I Am Not Worthy

Effective today, I will be moving downstairs to live with Fred (the always escaping cat), if he'll have me. This is because The Wife demonstrated her prowess by winning the March Madness pool that we both entered at her job. I am tremendously proud of her for doing this (and with no help from me, by the way) but this now proves that I know nothing about sports, and as such, am no longer worthy of occupying the same bedroom. I bow to her greatness.

OK, except for the part about being really happy for her winning, I'm kidding.

What this proves is why March Madness, and the accompanying bracketology is one of the truly best things about sports. Throw 64 teams (not counting the play-in game) and see what comes out. Some years we see upsets galore. I got burned trying to pick those upsets. Pick according to the better seeds, uniform colors, places you've been, and schools that you like, and you too might win. That, according to the newly-named genius of the hoops, was her MO.

In the meantime, I really didn't want to write this, because when it has come to the major events of 2007 (along with a lot of other stuff), I've been a "Gloomy Gus." The college football National Championship? Awful. The Super Bowl? Stinker. The Grammy's? Boring. The Oscars? Lame. And now we have the men's basketball National Championship.

I can't say anything nice about it, either.

It was dreadful. In fact, I skipped a large chunk of each half because there was nothing to pull me in. Thanks to Direct TV for giving us a preview of their "MLB Extra Innings" package, I watched a lot of the opener between the Angels and Rangers. And I glanced at "Deal or No Deal." I think I might have stared off into space, and listened to The Wife tell me about her day at work at other times.

Anyway, seriously, congrats to The Wife. I think it's pretty cool. If she could spare a few bucks for me, that would be great. Fred and I will need to eat in the basement, and he doesn't like to share his cat food.

EDITOR’S NOTE – Personal rant warning!

OK, changing subjects. I am once again trying to lose weight, and have begun a vicious effort to find a new career/job/happiness. I won't reveal the numbers, but I have some weight goals in mind. I've been diligent about doing a small workout every day, and getting some walking in. It's not much, but it's a start. What I was reminded of was that, besides being a total wreck, I couldn't rely on anybody, even if only for moral support. Yes a few people reached out to me, and their efforts were appreciated, but I have to do this myself. The reality was that I wasn’t doing enough to find a job. I wasn’t really digging deep. I also wasn’t doing anything to help my health. I've heard one too many fat jokes made about me (Ricky Fritsch knows where I'm going here) and even had a crack made about my weight at my father in-law's birthday party a few weeks back. I can’t dwell on these and other hurtful comments because they will consume me. That does me no good at all.

OK, I get it. I have a weight problem. I don't think it's necessarily fair to call me "fat" but yes, I need to be concerned. Family history is all that you need to know. That is not to say that I will stay this motivated - maybe that's where the encouraging words of friends and loved ones would be nice - but I like the fact that I feel refreshed and a little more confident. Even though I've maybe lost a pound since I've started this, I like what I see a little better, because there’s a fire in my eyes again. The weekend was so good for me in that I did all kinds of things around the house, including helping to install our garage door opener. Even when I didn’t want to work out, or my muscles were hurting too much, I still did it. No pats on the back for me yet. There’s a long way to go. Roughly 20 resumes have gone flying from my keyboard as well, so there's hope.

I realized that although I’m no monster, I was not the best person that I could be. At times I was harsh and very judgmental. I wasn’t being fair. My temper was worse than ever. I was (am) paranoid, uptight, blah blah blah (not to be confused with Joanne’s Blah Blah Blog). I wasn’t using my head – you know, that thing three feet above my arse. It was, in fact, stuck up my arse. I can tell you where a lot of this came from, but why bother? Time to just move on, and learn from the mistakes. Beating myself up isn’t going to help. I know I can only help myself. The bottom line is that, while I was the throws of these issues, I was hurting the people I love and care for the most. I only hope I haven't done irreparable damage.

Incidentally, all of this is nice, but I think I need to prove it to all of you, and myself. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words.