Saturday, March 28, 2015

This Post Will Be a Dinger (Sorry, AP)

From the notebook of Rob Adams, once and forever "sh*tty reporter":

Deadspin reports that the 2015 Associated Press Stylebook,* of too many periodicals to count, is updating how sports stories are to be written.

* Yes, Bible is the correct term here. You would understand if you've ever been in a newsroom and heard some smarmy editor/reporter climb to the pulpit and, in their best "schoolmarm" voice say: "That is not proper AP style!" Incidentally, to be a proper schoolmarm (male or female, in this case, by the way), it is preferred that your rrrroll your "r" in "proper."

I've seen the performance. It's quite impressive. I too appreciate AP style. In my world, I would love all broadcasters to ascribe to the Barber/Scully stylebook, but to my knowledge, Gus Johnson is still employed.

OK, digressing here fantastically, let me return to the task at hand, since by now I've likely infuriated friends and colleagues, many of whom at this point either aren't getting the joke or are simply sarcasm-impaired.

Getting back on-point, I don't think I used the term "dinger" when I wrote baseball stories for Tim Murphy in the Wilton Bulletin (we, too, are adjusting style, so following along, I'm not italicizing publication titles anymore. Though I might. You never know.).

I tend to avoid too much slang (shockingly) when I wrote professionally because I thought, golly gee willickers, that it should be sort of "professional." Ergo, AP style!

I also don't think I've written "disaster" in regards to a loss, but I've abso-frickin-lutely used it on the radio. Because it is.

Then again, us sports radio "talking heads" are the lowest of the low. You know, at least a rung or two below a "sh*tty reporter."

I'm having fun with this, if you couldn't guess. It allows me to write with glowing snark and sarcasm, without unburdening the raging rapids of anger buried deep in the soul.

I hope no one is a wet blanket over this sockdollager. I'd bet a simeolean or even a sawbuck that the sap who came up with this malarkey is just a reuben or a rummy. But even the tomato I was just talking to says it's all on the up and up. All this hooey has me wanting some hooch. It's just that I need to be a little more hard-boiled, that's all. A fella needs a nice get-up to meet him a floorflusher. So come on, Daddy-o. Let's go have a whiz bang of a time and spend two bits to get a few ducats to watch the Babe hit a couple of whammers. It will be a hoot!

(Most, if not all of that jargon, came from this site. Fortunately the AP isn't giving me the bum's rush.)

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