A Bad Dream

Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

I had a dream last night, and it absolutely rocked my world.

I don't usually have very memorable dreams, but on occasion, I have ones that pop up. My father, no surprise, has visited me a few times, most notably in a dream so vivid, that I still remember the details.

We were in a car (perfect place for us) and I started talking with him about why he died. I started asking him why he had to leave us. Yet there he was, in this car, talking with me. It was clear. Memorable. Most of the time, I know I'm dreaming. This time, I did not.

I woke up with a tremendous thud.

I won't discuss last night, but I'll only say it was bad. As in I need to use italics bad.

About the worst thing I can imagine.

Again, it woke me up, horribly. Still I was relieved to discover that it was only a dream.

Yet I wound up awake for a few hours, watching whatever I could find on TV and reading my iPad. I was finally able to get back to sleep, but I'm still a wreck over it.

Oh yeah, add in some debit card fraud (no, I'm not in Illinois today, thank you very much), and I'm just a touch rattled.

There's the obvious silver lining that all, otherwise is fine, and I'm quite fortunate. The dream wasn't real and the debit card was quickly resolved.

But it's still in the back of my mind.

Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Roy Orbison.

Cats and Cradles

My child arrived 14 years ago today. He came to the world in the usual way, but there were games to catch and bills to pay... (with apologies to Harry Chapin)

Sean Robert Adams, the pride of a family, was born on this day in 2002. One can't help but marvel at where time has gone.

It's been said many times that Sean is Sean. I love him for that. I don't want him to be anyone else. He loves Minecraft and Super Mario Maker and Doctor Who. He loves cats. He goes on about things that are of very little interest to me, but interest me because of him.

He's among the best travel companions I'll ever know. He kept me company for every step of our drives to and from North Carolina. Oh yeah, his head is into some device, but he's there.

We're thick as thieves as father and son, and thankfully he is the most patient of kids. I've dragged him to countless games and broadcasting events.

I often think about how I've failed him. There seems to be the notion that kids must do certain things due to peer pressure. Yet he overall doesn't complain, but if it wasn't for certain moments of serendipity, he wouldn't have had some of the experiences that he has had. Certainly our trip to Vermont last August comes to mind. If it wasn't for my job, that wouldn't have happened. Yet not only was he invited, but he was a welcomed part of a gathering of adults.

He gets bullied and I talk to him about that a lot. I always want him to know that there are avenues to deal with such things.

He's a sensitive soul with a great sense of humor.

Life has dealt us curveballs that we've adjusted to. We don't do Wednesday dinners often anymore - if at all. That's on me (and thus I hear "Cats in the Cradle" playing). We've obviously had changes in our lives. I don't nearly see him enough.

We're able to try to talk about anything. He's certainly there for me, and has a mature, yet childlike approach to everything. When I was pretty annoyed about something a few weeks ago, I was able to talk to him. That's a rare gift.

He holds certain things in. I know what is hurting him, but he doesn't want to make too much of it.

I've no doubt talked about him way too much. I've shared countless pictures and stories. To a point, I apologize for that. Yet I don't.

My life changed on February 23, 2002. It's a day I'll never forget. I became a father, and there is no job I've relished more. I've screwed it up, no doubt, but I'm so proud of this kid.

I looked at his mother a few months ago and said, "He's a great kid."

He is. He's working on becoming a great young man.

Incidentally, he starts high school in the fall.

Happy birthday, Sean.

Award Winner (Update: Not Really)

UPDATE: Below are the thoughts from early in the morning on Sunday, Feb. 21. A few hours later, we began to find out that there might have been a mistake. I took the post down later that evening, after I returned from Boston. In fact, Susan Shultz and I did not win the award seen above. Through a series of confusion, we were named as nominees and, eventually, winners. While the whole thing is embarrassing (if that's the right word), I congratulate Mario, Jenny, and Maureen, our colleagues who are the real winner of this award. I've decided to leave the original post up, but want to make sure that I'm pleased that HAN still picked up another ward, and that Mario, Jenny, and Maureen are deserving winners.

*****

I'm still trying to process this.

I have to get ready to leave Boston and head back home, but I still can't believe this.

Surreal? Yeah.

I'm not an awards person, and I drove Susan Shultz and Paul Silverfarb nuts with that very thought. They pushed me to please come to Boston (there's a song in there).

It was a team effort, except for Susan. She wrote a great editorial (nothing new there). I had Paul, Eric Gendron, Jake Zimmer, and Chris Kaelin to help me call the girls hockey game and get the interviews that followed the game and produced this award.

It's important for the teams and the players to know that we're grateful to them for their grace and talent.

I'm honored my name is on it.

I'm thrilled HAN Network is on it. It's our first award of any kind.

I'm proud to share it with Susan and the Darien Times.

I had to step away and have a moment. Thoughts of Pop came into my brain, especially as I texted and messaged the people who wanted to know if we won.

We waited all night, and were almost the last award given out. I shot raw video so that Susan could see and hear it for herself.

I trembled as I walked up there. I shook as I posed for pictures.

I need breakfast. I'm rambling.

Maybe I'm amazed.

There's a song there also.

Speaking of Susan, find this book. Buy it. You'll enjoy it.

A Day in Boston

I'm in Boston this weekend for the NENPA convention. It's my third time here for the convention, though I've been to Boston many times.

The day was spent in seminars and talking, and spending time with former colleague and good friend Paul Silverfarb.

Later in the day, after grabbing a cup of coffee, we walked to a nearby piano store so that Paul could get some advice on his own piano. At the end of the conversation, he asked if he could play one. He sat down at a gorgeous, $125,000 Steinway and played pieces of a few songs.

Rather gorgeously, I might add.

He broke into "Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)" by Billy Joel, and I admittedly had to walk away for a moment to compose myself. It's a song that takes me back to when Sean was a baby. I can still hear it on the CD player every night when he went to bed.


It still grabs me quite emotionally. My little boy keeps getting older (there will likely be more about that in a few days).

It also worked as a way to divert my attention from other things in that moment. I don't understand some things in life.

I'm babbling, I guess.

And so it goes.

Pictures...memories

1986...

2016 (courtesy Shawn Sailer)

Pictures can tell us so much. They can be painful. They can be sweet. Great memories. Bad memories.

They also tell the story of time.

I remember my family putting some old home movies on one night, and my dad getting upset because he didn't really want to watch them. For reasons all his own, they were sad.

I found myself looking through an album this morning for a picture from 1986 that I used in the last post. It made me smile to see the memory of posing with characters at Disney World, along with other assorted trinkets. Pictures of my dad, sister, brother, nieces, aunts, uncles, my grandparents, my beloved cat Bandit, and more.

In short, as both pictures show above, I enjoy being silly. Standing with the Big Bad Wolf or Cinderella (her hair felt like a horse brush) or making a goofy face for Shawn Sailer as we got ready to go on the air on Thursday night.

I'll post more, maybe, as time goes on.

Oh, it's still Valentine's Day...yeah...more HLN. When this baby hits 88 miles per hour...

Perspective: Weather

Just a couple of guys hanging with a blonde in Florida in 1986.

It was -6 when I woke up this morning here in the 8-4-5.

That's six below zero Fahrenheit. Or 21 below Celsius.

Around here, everyone is posting pictures of thermometers or screen grabs from their smartphones.

In short, it's really cold. It's the lead story on the news, of course.

Yet in International Falls, MN, it is currently eight. They're fairly used to that.

In Fairbanks, AL, it's four below. Yeah. They know a thing or two about that also.

It's currently one here. We're not used to that.

It will be in the fifties by Tuesday.

And we'll all be sick by Wednesday.

Pitchers and catchers report to Tampa on Thursday. I spent several President's Days around Tampa. Thus we have the picture of the two dudes and a girl that they met in 1986 at the top. We were dared to pose with her.

Oh and it's Valentine's Day. So there's that. Do you believe in love?