Traditions

 

I recently watched a really important social media post about holiday traditions from someone who once suffered an unthinkable loss.

Since then, the person posting has become an advocate for herself and others who have dealt with similar things.

The overall point was to not worry about the traditions of the holidays. Do what works for you. There are no rules.

Life has taught me that traditions move on and new traditions -- and new memories.

In our case, our tradition of seeing holiday lights in Norwalk along with dinner and ice cream ended several years ago. The family who did the lights decided to stop and, well, that was that.

Time marches on.

Sean and I had started a Christmas Eve tradition a few years ago where we'd have dinner and watch at least one movie together. The idea at first was for each of us to pick a movie we want the other to watch.

We've continued to watch a movie every year but it's normally me coming up with an idea.

We hadn't talked about it at all this year and, as of this morning, I had no intention of doing anything.

Our place is wonderful but our living room only has my Ikea chair (and a cat tower) for furniture. We could still use some kind of a couch or loveseat eventually but space remains an issue.

So, to be honest, I wasn't feeling it. I don't say that in a bad way. I was just sort of willing to be low-key about things. Oh, we'd still have dinner but I was content with football on TV and I know Sean likes doing his own thing.

I manage my own emotions during the holidays, as has been duly noted here. There's a certain level of loneliness and sadness that I battle. Admitting it isn't some great fault but I also have to just deal with it and carry on.

Anyway, somewhere along the line, an angel intervened today.

I mentioned something about what to do for dinner when Sean added a question.

"Have you decided what we're watching tonight? I can't think of anything."

Huh. Well, I guess we'll be watching a movie.

As I got ready to order dinner I began rifling through our streaming services. Honestly, very little jumped out at me.

I've wanted to watch The Godfather with Sean but that's also a big commitment.

Ultimately, we chose to go with Office Space. He'd never seen it and I figured it was light and, as he's a working man now, maybe he can understand some of the silliness.

Sure, it's filled with very dated late-1990s references but the overall theme works.

He rolled the chair in from my bedroom and we settled in.

We both laughed, ate our dinner, made fun of the cat, and resumed our pre-movie activities. He's now back in his room and I'm in the living room, awaiting Raiders/Steelers.

So tradition continued with minimal fuss.

Despite whatever emotional stuff I express, I can't stress enough that I feel gratitude. Yes, the other stuff exists and is real but I also feel gratitude for Sean and my loved ones. 

I feel gratitude for this place that I call home. It will be seven months tomorrow when I opened the door and could officially say I lived here. 

So, yes, I feel gratitude for the continuation of the tradition of the Christmas Eve movie. 

But, at the same time, it would have been OK if we hadn't done it this year. We could just start over next year. Or not.

I'm happy that we did it.

May your Christmas Eve -- and your Christmas -- be filled with low-key non-stressful events that bring you joy.

There are no rules so do what is best for you.