Sending Love Through Sadness

 

(Photo: Michelle McLoughlin/Reuters)

There are days you just don't want to remember. 

Oh, it's important to never forget history, however painful, but you still don't want to remember those moments.

Dec 14 is one of those days. Around Connecticut, it will always be a reminder of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

I have no words about it. I mean, I guess I have a few but everything just comes off the wrong way.

My memories have been written before. 

From a distance -- and I was fortunate enough to be quite a distance from it that morning -- I can still remember getting that first message about something going on near Danbury.

Newtown, to be exact.

My day carried me up to Kingston, NY for shopping. That still feels so callous to me but I can only say I didn't know any better. I leaned on a rack of clothes in a Marshall's and became glued to Twitter that day, following the sources that I could remotely trust.

While all I could do was hurt for the families and those impacted.

And think of Sean.

Sean, thankfully, was also miles from Connecticut, in his own school. Any concern for him, of course, was radional but when you're a parent rationality tends to go out the window.

I knew he was safe and, as I learned, a few years older than the victims. Still, like them, he was still an elementary student and your mind can't help but drift to "what if?"

So I know he was safe. Still, I'm his father and I couldn't be with him.

I drove back to Mahopac later that day and passed the exit I would use to see him. I just wanted to hug him.

That's an example of single fatherhood being awful.

Being helpless is not a strong suit of mine.

We'll always ache over that day.

Given where I lived then -- and live now -- the story will always hit close to home.

I've covered Newtown sports and have broadcast from there.

Nobody -- no town -- ever deserves that spotlight.

We, of course, are frankly no better today, are we? 

School shootings continue at a disgusting rate. 

And no politician has done a damn thing to stop it and keep our children safe.

I've probably written too often that schools are supposed to be a safe place for the students but we know they're not. We know the drill. If it's not the bullying or the pressures of being a kid it can be violence.

Sadly, that's all we do. We all just keep repeating ourselves.

Nothing changes.

Today, we remember those 26 lives lost at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

We also think of those who are suffered in some way as a result. The trickle-down affected many.

And we remain horrified and outraged.

And sad.