The questions

 

Jinkies!

"Hi Rob, it's..."

And the questions begin.

Who do you think will win the Super Bowl and by what score? Who will the MVP be? How high do you think the ratings will be? Will there be a meteor strike during the third quarter?

Some of those are real questions. I'll let you decide which ones.

By late tomorrow night, a game that many people are unfazed about will be over.

That is with no disrespect to Kansas City or Tampa Bay fans. It's just that with COVID and the same sorry storylines there is little to no buzz about this game.

No media day means no insane idiocy, and this is coming from a "journalist" who once went to Super Bowl media guy (and truly enjoyed the experience).

Will I watch? Yes, of course I will. I've watched them all -- some less intensely than others -- since 1978.

Super Bowl XII was the first one and it was fairly boring. But watching the Cowboys win and further solidify themselves as the very definition of obnoxious set things up nicely for...

Super Bowl XIII, which is still one of the finest sporting events I've ever watched and it gave me a football hero in a guy named Bradshaw.

The next real stinker that made me lose interest, I suppose, was Super Bowl XXIV. Up until then, I was a completely obsessed football junkie that simply absorbed one bad game after another. But watching the Niners destroy the Broncos was just brutal.

The 90s gave us some bad nights, right? Oh, sure, Giants/Bills was great but the next several weren't very good.

Let's not talk about the 30th game and, while we're at it, I'll save you the time of discussing the 45th. Neil O'Donnell and Rashard Mendenhall. That is all.

So when I get peppered with questions about if I think there will be a hail storm or what I think The Weeknd will play, I can't help but roll my eyes.

Oh yeah, the halftime show. I can't actually remember the last good one. Bruno Mars was OK, I guess. McCartney once upon a time. U2 after Sep 11. Tom Petty.

Nope. I'm not saying Prince.

Overall, I'm not in the halftime show demographic and that's fine. I'm there for the football game. I used to leave the room to watch the special halftime edition of In Living Color as opposed to subjecting myself to Gloria Estefan or whatever. 

As I say every time, bring back Up With People!

Or, better yet, do a marching band for a few minutes and get back to the damn game.

But, we know that's not going to happen. The Super Bowl (c) is an EVENT that happens to include a football game.

The questions will continue to be asked. The bets will continue to be placed. The pregame stuff has already begun (that's basically true -- and no, I'm not watching).

Play the game.

Then break it down on Monday.

Then?

It's all over, and the NFL -- like it or not -- will have the last laugh because they will have succeeded in playing every minute of every game at any cost.

Advantage: Goodell.

While the NWHL has shut down (at least for now) and the NHL is having their own problems and the NBA is holding on, the NFL -- the mighty corporate No Fun League -- proved what we all know.

Yeah, #ItsABusiness, of course. But, as I just said, they'll do what they have to do at any cost.

Oh, as for the answer to those questions? I'll answer them this way:

The game will stay close until late and will, in fact, go into overtime. During OT, a van will drive onto the field in Tampa and a group of groovy youngsters will climb out of it, along with their dog.

They'll go to the Tampa Bay sideline where they unmask coach Bruce Arians, revealing him to be, in fact, Bill Belichick.

"I would have gotten away with it," The Hoodie will say, "if it wasn't for you meddling kids and your dog."

With that, Patrick Mahomes will regain his superpowers (no trademark or copyright necessary) and Kansas City wins the game.

Society, once again, will be saved.