Facebook Junior High

I've just posted to Facebook.
What could my status be?
Please log in and acknowledge it
Because it is all about me!
- a portion of the alma mater, words by Bernie Taupin

It's another beautiful day at Facebook Junior High School.

I've picked out my best Capezio shoes (actually, they're from Kinney ... or is it Thom McAn?). Parachute pants would have been great but I opted for stonewash. Gotta look rad so the girls think I'm ... er ... "OK."

"He's not that bad," they say.

After homeroom, I went to metal shop where I'm working on a holder to house all of those hot takes! Gotta make sure it's reinforced because it might melt.

Friends are heading off to Intro to Narcissism, bringing with them the skills we learned at Instagram Elementary School.

Some went to Tik Tok Elementary while still others attended Snapchat. All fine institutions and the class -- "Narcy" for short! -- is an extension program. Working on those skills to pay it forward!

In social studies today (and, really, shouldn't that be every class here?) our teacher began a lesson about Black Live Matters when a student spoke up.

"But shouldn't all lives matter?," Grant asked.

"GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE," came the reply.

A voice snickered.

"Like Dr. Zuckerberg will do anything," said Donald, the school bully. "Well, I better head off to Russian class!"

"Didn't you take that already?," I asked.

"It's advanced. That other class was intro."

I ran into Robbie and Tony at gym today. They're still arguing.

"We can play hacky sack two days a week in exchange for one stick of gum," Robbie said.

"Four days a week and a pack of gum!," said Tony.

"One day and a half a piece."

"What?"

"You're lucky I didn't say it will be ABC."

Ew ... "Already Been Chewed."

Onto lunch where I got overwhelmed with the gluten-free/keto/no peanuts offerings. I would have had my peanut -- oops, no I wouldn't -- and I'm not having just "jelly."

I had a bag of potato chips before Karen, the monitor, yelled at me for eating unhealthy.

Then I was sitting in chemistry near Jose, Alex, and Carlos. We had a test and, for some reason, I kept hearing the banging of a garbage can in the hallway.

I noticed Aaron -- we call him "Your Honor" -- just shook his head.

Speaking of eyes, Alex (the other one, who wears red socks a lot) kept looking at my test.

It was all so strange.

Speaking of strange, I was walking to the bus when someone told me they were dropping me because I didn't pay any attention to them.

I mean, it wasn't true. It's just that I have other things to be studying up on. But I guess that means no more hanging out at the football stadium with them.

"Nobody's gonna go to the football games anyway," said the constantly pessimistic kid. "Maybe the season will get canceled."

"Nah," said the hyper kid from the student radio station. "We'll have a season! The GREATEST SEASON! SHOCK AND AWE WILL RAIN! In fact, it doesn't matter which sport it is. It will be AWESOME and I'll win every award there is!"

Sheesh. What about the actual games and the team? I just rolled my eyes.

With that, I got on the bus and began to head for home, passing Twitter High School on the way.

You don't want to know about that place.