Peace Out, 24

 

I did more game broadcasts this year than I've ever done in a year before. I'm very proud of that but I've declined to say how many the number is because I don't think it makes any difference.

I assembled a highlight reel that has its moments but given I'm my worst judge, I'll say nothing further.

Plus, more to the point, it's about quality, not quantity. And, beyond that, there's always a need to one-up and I just don't feel like playing that game.

I'll hit a milestone, likely in the spring of 2025, so we'll deal with that when we reach it.

This has been one of those years where it would be appropriate to say it was bad. But, is that fair? I suggest that it isn't. It was a year in which there was a lot of good, some bad, and a ton of stress.

There were highs and lows. But it just felt like a rut hung in the air.

I traveled some. We went to Florida. I got back to San Francisco. I went to Rhode Island.

I had experiences. We made the best of everything as always.

We also had to move unexpectedly and while we're fortunate to be where we are it hasn't been seamless. To be honest, we have a bit of a troublesome person nearby. You might remember me buying a rug a few months back and, what a shock, it did not quell the situation.

And yet, the thing is, I'm tired of that stuff. I don't want the conflicts. I'm tired of the fights.

You all know about "Toxic" and "Town Hall" and so on. I actually deleted something yesterday and, while it was there for a moment, I consider it a moment of sanity for me.

I've said several times I've wanted to move forward. But I can't guarantee something won't trigger me. I still have to defend myself.

Those issues hung over me all year. They impacted me mentally. 

I'm tired of it.

At times, I just sat on the couch. 

Or just stayed in bed.

I felt empty.

Those are clear signs of dealing with depression. Or not dealing with it.

And money. My least favorite topic. I nearly curled up in a fetal position when I had to do some banking earlier this week.

It has to change. I can't make it any clearer than that. And so, if I can't reach the number of broadcasts I did this year, it might just have to be. 

I did games. Games in Connecticut. New York. Rhode Island. Massachusetts. New Jersey. Pennsylvania. Plus shows. "Doubleheader." "The Clubhouse." "Zolz's Are You Kidding Me ... Again?." "Meet the Beatles." "Hanratty's Huddle." "Talent Talks." Plus a lot of Renegades games as a PA announcer.

The number of events covered comes to a lot. Some of them were paid. Some weren't.

And it still wasn't enough. At least, not financially.

But, so long as I loved it, had fun, and was proud of the work I did, I could accept it.

And, as I take stock of 2024, I was reminded of how I'm blessed with truly wonderful people in my life. I'm spoiled in that there are too many to name who support me on the island of misfit toys. There's no need to let the bad apples spoil things.

I know I won't wake up tomorrow feeling different. Change doesn't happen that quickly.

But I'm reaching for a better 2025.

And I'm hoping for the same for you.

For the record, this is post number 305 for 2024. Does that make me "Mr. 305?" No. No, it does not. But, in all seriousness, while I stopped doing a post-per-day, we're still here and I thank you for reading.

Wonderful Christmastime

Greetings, friends.

We send you our love and best wishes on this Christmas Eve.

Sean and I again did our low-key evening of food and movies.

I also went to five grocery stores today to look for something but that's not relevant to this story.

Our movies this year were Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me and Elf.

Despite our running joke, we did not start watching American Psycho every year on Christmas Eve. at least not tonight.

To many, this night is about gatherings that are both joyous and uncomfortable.

However you are spending it, I hope it is joyous, wonderful, and stress-free.

The picture at the top is from 2013 after Mom had open-heart surgery.

Christmas Eve was spent with her in a rehab center in Fairfield.

She was tired but even looking at the picture, she looked as happy as she could be under the circumstances. In fact, we all were pretty happy.

Being with her was what mattered. Having us all together at that moment was a bonus.

We sat in a common room, had pizza, kept Mom company, and laughed.

We got her back to her room, made sure she was comfortable and took off.

Yet, in a moment of spontaneity, we went to the Setti's Christmas Village display in Norwalk before heading for home. A snowstorm added to the images of the night, and made the drive home a little more cautious.

In fact, it got a bit white-knuckled when my car began to slip down a hill on Route 137 in South Salem, NY. Every fiber of my body tensed up but I tried to keep it from my 11-year-old in the passenger seat.

After I got control of the car, he reached over, massaged my shoulders, and told me I seemed tense.

He's sometimes too smart.

Eventually, we settled into the rhythm of what we do now. 

We worked up some meatballs and sauce from a "Secret Santa" with pasta and mozzarella sticks before moving to marble cheesecake for dessert. 

After we completed our movie-watching, Sean went back upstairs and I grabbed the computer. For a moment, I put It's a Wonderful Life on but I just can't watch Uncle Billy losing the money before George has his breakdown on the bridge. It's too emotional.

My Christmas wish remains the same every year. I want peace. I want joy. I want happiness. 

Selfishly, I want to live without stress and anxiety. I want to stop being on the hamster wheel.

I want us all to be honest, real, and good to each other.

We can have our differences but can agree to disagree.

It's simple respect.

Merry Christmas, friends. I'm blessed to have you all in my world.

Honestly, I write with love and admiration for all of you.

And to those who are struggling, know that better days are ahead. You might not think so, but I believe that, though it's hard to see in the darkest of moments.

May tomorrow, and the days after, be bright.